1. Be interested in what they have got to say, ask questions
When people are talking to you, be interested in what they are saying. Ask questions, show a genuine inquisitive nature into what they are saying. If you have a similar experience to what is being talked about, mention it but try to avoid taking over the conversation.
2. Don’t preach or babble on when you are speaking.
Make sure you are keeping your listener’s interest. Don’t drone on even if you are talking about your specialist subject!
“The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech”. George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
3. Take it in turns to speak.
Even if you feel you have got more to say on the subject, part of getting along with people is taking turns. Remember when you were a child, your mum and your teacher would tell you to “take turns” well it’s just the same now you are grown up! It makes it fair and people feel they can say “their piece”.
4. Don’t interrupt.
People who interrupt are rude. They feel they have something important to add that is more important than the person speaking. It shows a lack of respect for the person talking and gives off a “me,me,me” aura which is never an attractive quality.
5. Always give praise or encouragement when the opportunity arises.
"Everyone wants to be appreciated, so if you appreciate someone, don't keep it a secret." Mary Kay Ash 1915-2001, Founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics.
Make your compliments genuine and giving. Do not expect a compliment back but you’ll be pleasantly surprised that people usually reciprocate.
6. Discuss points of view but don’t argue. When two conflicting points of view disagree do not become disagreeable be tolerant and have an open mind . It may be better to say “I hear what you are saying but let me explain my point of view”.
“The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment”.Dorothy Nevill
7. Have a positive and cheerful demeanor
Emit positive energy and enthusiasm. Check your physiology, stand up tall, look the person in the eye, be vital and lively. Everyone has and aches and pains and things going on in their personal lives but you don’t have to burden everyone with it. Keep up the energy. This will be infective. People gravitate to positive people.
"I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition." Martha Washington1732-1802, First American First Lady
8. Be aware of other people’s feelings.
What you may think is humorous may be hurtful to the person you are talking to. You may think it’s funny but you may alienate yourself from the other people in the group.
“One of the best rules in conversation is, never to say a thing which any of the company can reasonably wish had been left unsaid”. Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745)
9. Avoid gossip
If you engage in gossip about others you are unlikely to gain the trust of anyone new you are talking to. Gossip has no value and can be extremely hurtful and destructive.
10. Enjoy the moment
You won’t get this time back again. It’s gone forever. Feel grateful that you are chatting and communicating, learning, interacting, maybe even making new friends. Life is for living and you are part of it. Jump in and enjoy!
Wednesday, 24 February 2010
Put building rapport on your self esteem curriculum
Do you remember when you were in tune with another person maybe with a friend or a lover or a relative? You more than likely had similar views on something, you could understand them and they could understand you. You had rapport with each other. Most people who form a relationship have something in common that brought them together in the first place such as an evening class, work, travelling on a bus together every day. Building rapport is a ‘must have’ on any self esteem curriculum.
The way to create rapport is discovering things we have in common with people and copying or “mirroring”. You can do this by mirroring their actions and activities. Much of this is done by talking about your common associations to each other but by far the greater impact is made by copying their tone of voice and how fast or slow they talk and also by copying their body movements – how they stand, their gestures. What happens is the person you are mirroring/copying starts to feel that you are like them, so you must be okay. This creates a bond a rapport.
“I like her because I smile at her and she smiles at me and means it”. Anonymous
You don’t have to copy everything to build rapport. You probably already do a lot of mirroring without knowing it. Think about it, when you talk to someone who speaks quietly you would normally speak quietly back them. The person subconsciously feels that you know them and they know you. You are entering and understanding their world. Things you can do to enter their world can be:
· Talking about things you have in common
· Ask questions about other things about the person, their family, their work, their passions not just the thing you both have in common
· Take time to listen to what they are saying
· Mirror how they speak – their tonality, pace, language
· Copy their physiology – posture, gestures
· Talk to them in a way that shows you understand who they are and what they want – be empathetic
The key to building rapport is to be adaptable, to change your words and actions until they mirror the world of the other person. To make successful relationships you need to be able to create rapport , a bond between you and the other person.
"The world is a great mirror. It reflects back to you what you are. If you are loving, if you are friendly, if you are helpful, the world will prove loving and friendly and helpful to you. The world is what you are." Thomas Dreier Author
Just think of all the times that being able to build rapport will be an asset to you: at work or at an interview – build rapport by mirroring the interviewer, meeting new business clients you can make a connection with them, making friends – mirroring their ways will ensure they do not see you as a threat, they feel that you are like them, you are part of their world. Put this on your self esteem curriculum now, at home, at work, shopping. If you can connect with someone, mirror them, you will be building your confidence by mastering communication by the magic of rapport. Take action and start creating the magic of rapport NOW!
The way to create rapport is discovering things we have in common with people and copying or “mirroring”. You can do this by mirroring their actions and activities. Much of this is done by talking about your common associations to each other but by far the greater impact is made by copying their tone of voice and how fast or slow they talk and also by copying their body movements – how they stand, their gestures. What happens is the person you are mirroring/copying starts to feel that you are like them, so you must be okay. This creates a bond a rapport.
“I like her because I smile at her and she smiles at me and means it”. Anonymous
You don’t have to copy everything to build rapport. You probably already do a lot of mirroring without knowing it. Think about it, when you talk to someone who speaks quietly you would normally speak quietly back them. The person subconsciously feels that you know them and they know you. You are entering and understanding their world. Things you can do to enter their world can be:
· Talking about things you have in common
· Ask questions about other things about the person, their family, their work, their passions not just the thing you both have in common
· Take time to listen to what they are saying
· Mirror how they speak – their tonality, pace, language
· Copy their physiology – posture, gestures
· Talk to them in a way that shows you understand who they are and what they want – be empathetic
The key to building rapport is to be adaptable, to change your words and actions until they mirror the world of the other person. To make successful relationships you need to be able to create rapport , a bond between you and the other person.
"The world is a great mirror. It reflects back to you what you are. If you are loving, if you are friendly, if you are helpful, the world will prove loving and friendly and helpful to you. The world is what you are." Thomas Dreier Author
Just think of all the times that being able to build rapport will be an asset to you: at work or at an interview – build rapport by mirroring the interviewer, meeting new business clients you can make a connection with them, making friends – mirroring their ways will ensure they do not see you as a threat, they feel that you are like them, you are part of their world. Put this on your self esteem curriculum now, at home, at work, shopping. If you can connect with someone, mirror them, you will be building your confidence by mastering communication by the magic of rapport. Take action and start creating the magic of rapport NOW!
Get motivated by Living in the Moment
How many times a day do you think about the future? Where you are going on holiday? What you are going to do at Christmas? When will you be able to afford that new car? Lots of people do it but for some it starts to become a problem. It starts off as just a thought but develops into self induced stress – Shall I apply for that promotion? Am I good enough? Should I be studying more? Do they like me? And so it goes on.
As well as worrying about the future are you constantly dredging up the past? Are you dwelling on things that have happened that you can’t change such as your childhood, your career choices, your marriage, your divorce.
The time you spend on languishing about the past on how things might have been is pointless. The past as they say is history. Okay you might learn things that you wouldn’t do again but you can’t change anything. You can physically feel the hurt, anger, anxiety that you remember. It can overwhelm you but you have a choice. You can be aware of your feelings.
You need self awareness in your everyday decisions to get motivated. You need to be in control of your choices. If you don’t make the choices someone else will and you won’t be leading the life you want. It’s great to have goals and targets but not to let these dominate your thoughts and actions. Life will pass you by. What you need to obtain is Balance. Your life is happening NOW. You won’t have this moment ever again. Don’t lose it. Enjoy it. Start living in the moment. Balance your enjoyment of now with a review of the past and your plan for the future.
What does “Living in the Moment” mean? It means being happy and grateful for what you have at this moment and consciously taking time to enjoy it. It’s easy to live in the moment when it’s a happy event such as a birthday, wedding, graduation. But unless you become aware of living in the moment and you let yourself dwell on the past, harbour resentments and worry, you are denying yourself your life today, your life at this moment.
"I can feel guilty about the past, apprehensive about the future, but only in the present can I act. The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness." Abraham Maslow 1908-1970, Psychologist
Allow yourself to let go of these negative feelings of resentment, envy, worry. Look on everything as an observer. Don’t be judgemental. Just look at what is going on around you. This sounds easy but you need to practice, practice, practice. You need to make yourself focus on the moment and observe but without judging whether it’s a good or bad experience. We tend to remember and focus on the good and bad times, the highs and the lows but life is made up of so much more. Most of your life is just “normal” if you start looking and focusing on the normal times – a clear bright day, a hot cup of coffee, a smile from a stranger, listening to children laughing – it can feel like you are looking at the world with new eyes. You are living in the moment. Enjoy the moment and get motivated.
Some people are always wanting more: a bigger house, a faster car, a promotion at work. STOP!!! They are always looking to the future, the present moment isn’t what they want. But think about it, the present moment is all we have. Who knows what is going to happen in the future and we can’t change the past, so live for today, live the moment, be aware of what’s going on around you, awaken your consciousness to NOW. Just because you have goals it doesn’t mean that life is not good now. Look at your life, focus your thoughts on “the moment”, the present, you are living your life now, don’t just let life pass you by. Get motivated - live it and enjoy it!
As well as worrying about the future are you constantly dredging up the past? Are you dwelling on things that have happened that you can’t change such as your childhood, your career choices, your marriage, your divorce.
The time you spend on languishing about the past on how things might have been is pointless. The past as they say is history. Okay you might learn things that you wouldn’t do again but you can’t change anything. You can physically feel the hurt, anger, anxiety that you remember. It can overwhelm you but you have a choice. You can be aware of your feelings.
You need self awareness in your everyday decisions to get motivated. You need to be in control of your choices. If you don’t make the choices someone else will and you won’t be leading the life you want. It’s great to have goals and targets but not to let these dominate your thoughts and actions. Life will pass you by. What you need to obtain is Balance. Your life is happening NOW. You won’t have this moment ever again. Don’t lose it. Enjoy it. Start living in the moment. Balance your enjoyment of now with a review of the past and your plan for the future.
What does “Living in the Moment” mean? It means being happy and grateful for what you have at this moment and consciously taking time to enjoy it. It’s easy to live in the moment when it’s a happy event such as a birthday, wedding, graduation. But unless you become aware of living in the moment and you let yourself dwell on the past, harbour resentments and worry, you are denying yourself your life today, your life at this moment.
"I can feel guilty about the past, apprehensive about the future, but only in the present can I act. The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness." Abraham Maslow 1908-1970, Psychologist
Allow yourself to let go of these negative feelings of resentment, envy, worry. Look on everything as an observer. Don’t be judgemental. Just look at what is going on around you. This sounds easy but you need to practice, practice, practice. You need to make yourself focus on the moment and observe but without judging whether it’s a good or bad experience. We tend to remember and focus on the good and bad times, the highs and the lows but life is made up of so much more. Most of your life is just “normal” if you start looking and focusing on the normal times – a clear bright day, a hot cup of coffee, a smile from a stranger, listening to children laughing – it can feel like you are looking at the world with new eyes. You are living in the moment. Enjoy the moment and get motivated.
Buddha: “If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change”.
Some people are always wanting more: a bigger house, a faster car, a promotion at work. STOP!!! They are always looking to the future, the present moment isn’t what they want. But think about it, the present moment is all we have. Who knows what is going to happen in the future and we can’t change the past, so live for today, live the moment, be aware of what’s going on around you, awaken your consciousness to NOW. Just because you have goals it doesn’t mean that life is not good now. Look at your life, focus your thoughts on “the moment”, the present, you are living your life now, don’t just let life pass you by. Get motivated - live it and enjoy it!
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
Self esteem building – the physiology of success
Want to change how you feel? Want to do it instantly? Try this – get up and do five star jumps, smile and shout “I feel great” five times. You might want to try this in the comfort of your own home rather than in the middle of a busy office. Okay you might feel a bit daft but you will feel different. You’ll have smiled and moved, you’ve told your mind and your body “this is different”. Your mind and body are inextricably linked. If you change what you are doing with your body (your physiology) - how you breathe, how you stand, how you talk and hold yourself – it affects your mind and will help you with self esteem building.
Picture this person, they walk slowly, they have slumped shoulders, they look gloomy, their eyes look down to the floor. What do you see? Somebody that is depressed. No one decides to be depressed but it’s not just a mental state, as we’ve seen it’s also a specific body image (or a specific body physiology). By carrying on like this they are unconsciously continuing to make the decision to be depressed.
So can we change? You bet, you can change your physiology and your state of mind in an instance. Put yourself in a position of ultimate self confidence. Imagine what a totally self confident person would look like and emulate them. Stand up tall, shoulders back, looking out at everyone, making eye contact, smiling, breathing deeply. Walk like you imagine a confident person would, not sloping along but bounding along, head held high, shoulders back, on a mission you are going somewhere not just wasting time. Try it. You can’t feel fed up or depressed with this posture. Your mind is linked to your body and it’s getting the message that you are in a state of awareness and you mean business. You are telling your body that you choose to be confident and that you are confident. By altering your body (your physiology) you are telling your mind that you are confident and that you are managing your feelings.
Make the time to invest in yourself not in monetary terms but invest in self esteem building. Start feeling the way you want to feel. Imagine you are going to get the job of your dreams, how would you feel, how would you hold yourself? Now “bottle” that feeling and your physiology. You can call on that anytime you want. You can change to a position to ultimate self confidence by changing your physiology – open the “bottle” and recreate the physiology and the feelings Remember all human behaviour is result of the state we are in so if we are feeling confident and strong we can attempt things we would have never have thought possible when we were feeling fed up and tired.
“Put your future in good hands - your own” (Author unknown).
Make self esteem building part of your daily routine. Whenever you think about it make the decision to act confidently so it becomes a habit. Make sure you stand tall, look people in the eyes, when they are speaking to you listen and look at them and when you talking maintain good eye contact with them. Even if at first you are still having to think about being confident, you will still communicate the right signals to inspire those around you. That is the amazing thing about confident body language. Change your body posture and your thinking and you can become the confident person you want to be.
Picture this person, they walk slowly, they have slumped shoulders, they look gloomy, their eyes look down to the floor. What do you see? Somebody that is depressed. No one decides to be depressed but it’s not just a mental state, as we’ve seen it’s also a specific body image (or a specific body physiology). By carrying on like this they are unconsciously continuing to make the decision to be depressed.
So can we change? You bet, you can change your physiology and your state of mind in an instance. Put yourself in a position of ultimate self confidence. Imagine what a totally self confident person would look like and emulate them. Stand up tall, shoulders back, looking out at everyone, making eye contact, smiling, breathing deeply. Walk like you imagine a confident person would, not sloping along but bounding along, head held high, shoulders back, on a mission you are going somewhere not just wasting time. Try it. You can’t feel fed up or depressed with this posture. Your mind is linked to your body and it’s getting the message that you are in a state of awareness and you mean business. You are telling your body that you choose to be confident and that you are confident. By altering your body (your physiology) you are telling your mind that you are confident and that you are managing your feelings.
Make the time to invest in yourself not in monetary terms but invest in self esteem building. Start feeling the way you want to feel. Imagine you are going to get the job of your dreams, how would you feel, how would you hold yourself? Now “bottle” that feeling and your physiology. You can call on that anytime you want. You can change to a position to ultimate self confidence by changing your physiology – open the “bottle” and recreate the physiology and the feelings Remember all human behaviour is result of the state we are in so if we are feeling confident and strong we can attempt things we would have never have thought possible when we were feeling fed up and tired.
“Put your future in good hands - your own” (Author unknown).
Make self esteem building part of your daily routine. Whenever you think about it make the decision to act confidently so it becomes a habit. Make sure you stand tall, look people in the eyes, when they are speaking to you listen and look at them and when you talking maintain good eye contact with them. Even if at first you are still having to think about being confident, you will still communicate the right signals to inspire those around you. That is the amazing thing about confident body language. Change your body posture and your thinking and you can become the confident person you want to be.
You can choose to have self confidence
Okay we all know what confidence is. We see it everywhere - the confident girl presenting at work –the suave guy in the pub – even in the clothes we wear. Confidence and success often go hand in hand. If you are confident you can manage yourself in any situation. Think about that – if you are confident you can manage, you can cope with what life sends your way.
What has happened to you up until this point will have contributed to how confident you feel. You will have been affected by lots of different factors: parents and home life, school and school friends, college and university, work, where you live, your friends, your relations...the list goes on. Depending on how you have reacted to the different people and to the different events that have happened in your life will affect how confident you are.
Positive experiences from, being encouraged by your parents, to having good friends will build on your inner self confidence. You would have grown up being supported and fitting in. But this may not be the case. Some parents find their children an irritation and do not help them with their homework and tell them to stop bothering them as they have something “more important” to do – even if it’s just watching the TV. Imagine the impact that has on a child. Another crucial area is fitting in at school, if you don’t fit in you can be alienated that takes away your confidence in dealing with people, and that sometimes can affect your whole life. If you let it!! That’s the key. You can change.
If you have labelled yourself a shy person who is lacking in self confidence, identifying an influencing factor from your past might give you a eureka moment. It may give you a reason why you became shy or a reason why you lack confidence. It should also mean that you can see that you don’t have to be this way. You have just reacted in a certain way because you didn’t know any different . But now you can make a choice. You can choose how you react to any situation. Just because you are not picked first in a game of five aside doesn’t mean you have to feel a failure. You can kick those feelings of negativity in to touch and you can choose to feel relaxed, calm, whatever you want to. You can choose to be confident. You are in control of your thoughts. Think self confidence.
What has happened to you up until this point will have contributed to how confident you feel. You will have been affected by lots of different factors: parents and home life, school and school friends, college and university, work, where you live, your friends, your relations...the list goes on. Depending on how you have reacted to the different people and to the different events that have happened in your life will affect how confident you are.
Positive experiences from, being encouraged by your parents, to having good friends will build on your inner self confidence. You would have grown up being supported and fitting in. But this may not be the case. Some parents find their children an irritation and do not help them with their homework and tell them to stop bothering them as they have something “more important” to do – even if it’s just watching the TV. Imagine the impact that has on a child. Another crucial area is fitting in at school, if you don’t fit in you can be alienated that takes away your confidence in dealing with people, and that sometimes can affect your whole life. If you let it!! That’s the key. You can change.
If you have labelled yourself a shy person who is lacking in self confidence, identifying an influencing factor from your past might give you a eureka moment. It may give you a reason why you became shy or a reason why you lack confidence. It should also mean that you can see that you don’t have to be this way. You have just reacted in a certain way because you didn’t know any different . But now you can make a choice. You can choose how you react to any situation. Just because you are not picked first in a game of five aside doesn’t mean you have to feel a failure. You can kick those feelings of negativity in to touch and you can choose to feel relaxed, calm, whatever you want to. You can choose to be confident. You are in control of your thoughts. Think self confidence.
Personal goal setting in four easy to use steps
Life moves on every day, things change: babies are born, people die, people are made redundant, people win the lottery, someone new moves in next door, your favourite shop on the high street shuts, a new shopping and entertainment area is built on some local wasteland. Life moves on. There’s nothing we can do about it. But what we can do is move with the changes. Take advantage of life. Live it. Nobody really wants to live in the past where nothing changes. You know you have to change even if it’s forced on you. So why not be ahead of the game and live life to the full. Are you ready for some personal goal setting? Are you ready to take your life to a higher level? A level where you can take advantage of what the world is offering you and you can take charge of where your life is going? If you’ve answered yes, that’s fantastic because you are putting yourself on a course for a better, more fulfilled vibrant life.
Make Conscious Decisions
Sounds easy but making conscious decisions as opposed to going with the flow is not as easy as it seems. Every day you make thousands of decisions. Some decisions you don’t even think about, some you make instinctively, some you make on impulse but you NEED to be aware that some decisions can affect the rest of your life. What you need to do is to THINK and put the logical side of your brain into action more. Make sure that you give yourself time to think and make the right decisions. You can listen to the advice of others but you are in control of your own life and you must make the ultimate decisions. If you have always been shy you can change that by making the decision to change and to make yourself feel confident. If you are overweight you can make a decision to eat healthily wherever possible, you can make a conscious decision every time you are offered an unhealthy option to refuse an seek a healthy alternative. Life is about choices, it’s about decisions, it’s about personal goal setting. Our life is the result of the decisions we’ve taken so far.
“Choices are the hinges of destiny” Attributed to both Edwin Markham and Pythagoras.
What Do You Really Want From Life?
Sounds great doesn’t it? But yes you are here once (for argument’s sake) and it’s up to you to decide what kind of life you want and more importantly what are you going to do about it. What do you really want, what do you see as being successful? Is it finding the perfect partner, making lots of money, being a surfer all day, being a doctor, being a great dad or mom? A good start is to take a piece of paper and do some personal goal setting: list down all the things you want to make you a success in your eyes. This will give you your goals, that once you have achieved them you would feel successful. Now you need to think about them and how you will achieve them, chunk them into manageable steps eg if you want to write a best seller, you could start with chunking this goal into manageable targets of writing a page a day. In a year you would have a 365 page book. Look at each of your goals and start by chunking them down and giving yourself time deadlines. You now have a plan to get what you want in life. Each week look at how you are doing and amend and change it if necessary. Don’t be too hard on yourself but remember it’s your life only you can live it.
“It is never too late to be who you might have been.” George Eliot
Think Positively and Expect good Results
Sounds a bit old hat doesn’t it. You could spend all your life wishing you could see a polar bear in the North Pole but if you don’t save the money and buy a ticket you are never going to go! It’s no good looking back on your life when you are 90 saying if only I’d set that business up… if only I’d taken that job.. if only I’d been kinder to…If only…. Hindsight is marvellous if only we could have it when we make the decisions. We are normally much wiser after the event. Learning from experience gives you the confidence to try different things. To reach your result or goal you need to think about how you are going to get there. Your mind needs to be open and flexible to all opportunities. Don’t be too rigid you need to adapt to all the possibilities around you. Be committed to your goals and targets, expect to achieve success but at all times be aware of opportunities that are open to you, be open and flexible to the options that life is presenting to you.
"It is easy to sit up and take notice. What is difficult is getting up and taking action." Al Batt Writer and Speaker
Trust yourself
Some call it a gut feeling, others call it intuition. Some great inventions and ideas come when you are not even thinking about it. Some even come in your sleep. The mind is a fabulous tool, millions of times better than any computer. We just need to trust it more. These great ideas come from when the mind is in a relaxed state and is not under pressure and has time to dedicating itself to creative and productive thought. Now you are getting your personal goal setting under control; you are making conscious decisions; you have identified what you want in life; you are open to new opportunities and are expecting success; now maybe one of the hardest things is you have to have trust and have confidence in yourself. It’s easy to blame people and circumstances for things not going right in your life but you have to take responsibility for what’s gone on in the past. Don’t try to over analyse what’s happened in the past, just know it’s happened and let your mind be clear for all future decisions. It’s now time to trust yourself to take responsibility and direction for your life so that you can develop your full potential and be the person you want to be.
Make Conscious Decisions
Sounds easy but making conscious decisions as opposed to going with the flow is not as easy as it seems. Every day you make thousands of decisions. Some decisions you don’t even think about, some you make instinctively, some you make on impulse but you NEED to be aware that some decisions can affect the rest of your life. What you need to do is to THINK and put the logical side of your brain into action more. Make sure that you give yourself time to think and make the right decisions. You can listen to the advice of others but you are in control of your own life and you must make the ultimate decisions. If you have always been shy you can change that by making the decision to change and to make yourself feel confident. If you are overweight you can make a decision to eat healthily wherever possible, you can make a conscious decision every time you are offered an unhealthy option to refuse an seek a healthy alternative. Life is about choices, it’s about decisions, it’s about personal goal setting. Our life is the result of the decisions we’ve taken so far.
“Choices are the hinges of destiny” Attributed to both Edwin Markham and Pythagoras.
What Do You Really Want From Life?
Sounds great doesn’t it? But yes you are here once (for argument’s sake) and it’s up to you to decide what kind of life you want and more importantly what are you going to do about it. What do you really want, what do you see as being successful? Is it finding the perfect partner, making lots of money, being a surfer all day, being a doctor, being a great dad or mom? A good start is to take a piece of paper and do some personal goal setting: list down all the things you want to make you a success in your eyes. This will give you your goals, that once you have achieved them you would feel successful. Now you need to think about them and how you will achieve them, chunk them into manageable steps eg if you want to write a best seller, you could start with chunking this goal into manageable targets of writing a page a day. In a year you would have a 365 page book. Look at each of your goals and start by chunking them down and giving yourself time deadlines. You now have a plan to get what you want in life. Each week look at how you are doing and amend and change it if necessary. Don’t be too hard on yourself but remember it’s your life only you can live it.
“It is never too late to be who you might have been.” George Eliot
Think Positively and Expect good Results
Sounds a bit old hat doesn’t it. You could spend all your life wishing you could see a polar bear in the North Pole but if you don’t save the money and buy a ticket you are never going to go! It’s no good looking back on your life when you are 90 saying if only I’d set that business up… if only I’d taken that job.. if only I’d been kinder to…If only…. Hindsight is marvellous if only we could have it when we make the decisions. We are normally much wiser after the event. Learning from experience gives you the confidence to try different things. To reach your result or goal you need to think about how you are going to get there. Your mind needs to be open and flexible to all opportunities. Don’t be too rigid you need to adapt to all the possibilities around you. Be committed to your goals and targets, expect to achieve success but at all times be aware of opportunities that are open to you, be open and flexible to the options that life is presenting to you.
"It is easy to sit up and take notice. What is difficult is getting up and taking action." Al Batt Writer and Speaker
Trust yourself
Some call it a gut feeling, others call it intuition. Some great inventions and ideas come when you are not even thinking about it. Some even come in your sleep. The mind is a fabulous tool, millions of times better than any computer. We just need to trust it more. These great ideas come from when the mind is in a relaxed state and is not under pressure and has time to dedicating itself to creative and productive thought. Now you are getting your personal goal setting under control; you are making conscious decisions; you have identified what you want in life; you are open to new opportunities and are expecting success; now maybe one of the hardest things is you have to have trust and have confidence in yourself. It’s easy to blame people and circumstances for things not going right in your life but you have to take responsibility for what’s gone on in the past. Don’t try to over analyse what’s happened in the past, just know it’s happened and let your mind be clear for all future decisions. It’s now time to trust yourself to take responsibility and direction for your life so that you can develop your full potential and be the person you want to be.
Thursday, 18 February 2010
Help in overcoming low self esteem
Wouldn’t it feel fantastic to be one of those people that people noticed? You would be the one to stand out from the crowd. Just think what a useful social skill you’d have. You would stand out at that job interview, be remembered, you’d also impress on a date, you’d be the one getting the phone call. Maybe that’s not what happens to you at the moment, are you somehow always in the background? Do less well qualified or less experienced people seem to be getting the opportunities? It’s likely that you are just not impressing the right people and odds are that it’s because you are not overcoming low self esteem and being too shy in your approach.
I’m not suggesting that you become a bighead but hiding behind shyness will mean you miss out on so much. Modesty is a good quality to have but when shyness is inhibiting your social skills, you know you’ve got to change. Life is for living and living the best life you can.
Have you always been shy? Would you say you are a naturally shy person? Does shyness run in your family? The good news is that there is no genetic reason why you are shy and you can change it. We have the ability to change and be who we want to be. There are two big things we need to do: one is overcoming low self esteem and leaving the shy person behind; and the second is to stop labelling yourself as a shy person – no one is naturally shy – you’ve taught yourself to be shy either consciously or unconsciously. The good news is you have the ability to change.
If you tell yourself something lots of time every day, you are conditioning your brain to be what you tell it to be eg “I’m too shy to .....” “I couldn’t dream of speaking to...”. You are labelling yourself as shy by affirming the shyness every time you think you are shy. We act in a certain way because of the mind trap – the mind believes what you tell it – you are telling it you are shy and voila you are shy! The good news is that you can change what you think.
"The possibility of stepping into a higher plane is quite real for everyone. It requires no force or effort or sacrifice. It involves little more than changing our ideas about what is normal." Deepak Chopra
The starting point to change is to look at yourself in a new way. Tell yourself you can change. You are starting a new chapter in your life. You are now going to act in a different way. You no longer think of how shy you used to be but you think of the social situation you are in and how you are going to act in it. You will be confident, friendly and at ease, whether you are asking a question at work or at a dinner party. You will be managing your confidence in all situations. You can create your destiny by imagining how you want to be. If you think about yourself confidently, you will act confidently and people will see you as confident.
The saying by Henry Ford holds true - "Whether You Believe You Can, Or You Can't, You Are Right"
Some shy people use alcohol as a way to lose their inhibitions and become a “different“ person. This is not a good way to overcome your shyness in the long term. Overcoming low self esteem in the long term means you need to change how you think. If you change your mind set and think confidently, you will change your life in the long term.
One of the reasons shy people use alcohol to bolster their self confidence is that it makes other people appear less daunting. It transforms you from shy introvert to outgoing extrovert but it’s not the real you. To get true self confidence you have to change your thinking and start to look at other people differently when you meet them.
The key to your transformation is through your mind and your imagination. You must want to change and believe you are a confident person ready to meet and greet the world. Your mind must be open to change and with this you must also believe other people deserve to be treated the same. You must meet people with an open mind and believe they are greeting you with an open mind. Life is for living not for hiding behind. Believe you can.
I’m not suggesting that you become a bighead but hiding behind shyness will mean you miss out on so much. Modesty is a good quality to have but when shyness is inhibiting your social skills, you know you’ve got to change. Life is for living and living the best life you can.
Have you always been shy? Would you say you are a naturally shy person? Does shyness run in your family? The good news is that there is no genetic reason why you are shy and you can change it. We have the ability to change and be who we want to be. There are two big things we need to do: one is overcoming low self esteem and leaving the shy person behind; and the second is to stop labelling yourself as a shy person – no one is naturally shy – you’ve taught yourself to be shy either consciously or unconsciously. The good news is you have the ability to change.
If you tell yourself something lots of time every day, you are conditioning your brain to be what you tell it to be eg “I’m too shy to .....” “I couldn’t dream of speaking to...”. You are labelling yourself as shy by affirming the shyness every time you think you are shy. We act in a certain way because of the mind trap – the mind believes what you tell it – you are telling it you are shy and voila you are shy! The good news is that you can change what you think.
"The possibility of stepping into a higher plane is quite real for everyone. It requires no force or effort or sacrifice. It involves little more than changing our ideas about what is normal." Deepak Chopra
The starting point to change is to look at yourself in a new way. Tell yourself you can change. You are starting a new chapter in your life. You are now going to act in a different way. You no longer think of how shy you used to be but you think of the social situation you are in and how you are going to act in it. You will be confident, friendly and at ease, whether you are asking a question at work or at a dinner party. You will be managing your confidence in all situations. You can create your destiny by imagining how you want to be. If you think about yourself confidently, you will act confidently and people will see you as confident.
The saying by Henry Ford holds true - "Whether You Believe You Can, Or You Can't, You Are Right"
Some shy people use alcohol as a way to lose their inhibitions and become a “different“ person. This is not a good way to overcome your shyness in the long term. Overcoming low self esteem in the long term means you need to change how you think. If you change your mind set and think confidently, you will change your life in the long term.
One of the reasons shy people use alcohol to bolster their self confidence is that it makes other people appear less daunting. It transforms you from shy introvert to outgoing extrovert but it’s not the real you. To get true self confidence you have to change your thinking and start to look at other people differently when you meet them.
The key to your transformation is through your mind and your imagination. You must want to change and believe you are a confident person ready to meet and greet the world. Your mind must be open to change and with this you must also believe other people deserve to be treated the same. You must meet people with an open mind and believe they are greeting you with an open mind. Life is for living not for hiding behind. Believe you can.
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